I am still sitting at the red velvet table cloth in Watkins, its later than 6pm and no one has booked a reading. This has given me time to look out of the window-I am in the heart of London, just off Charing Cross Road. There is an elderly tramp outside making horrible guttural sounds, and routing in the bin-but still he is smiling. It is raining and suddenly I am filled with shame (at complaining previously) and gratitude and here is why-with apologies for the previous post:
I saw Josh (my eldest son) in Ann Frank’s Diary on Monday-he had the part of Peter. The play reminded me of the extent of human suffering and courage-but I also had a fierce joy and pride in the ability of Josh. He was awesome-I don’t think that I will ever forget that particular experience.
The tramp is outside and I am inside: many Readers ask to read from Watkins and are refused. I am very lucky to have this opportunity. Even more so that now a Publisher has asked for a next stage proposal of my in progress book “Walking with an Angel”-that would not have happened without Watkins and I am blessed.
However hard things I may perceive my life to be I have many opportunities and many friends. I am not alone.
Today I realised that I must accept the offering of one particular friend as it stands. CB had instructed this previously but I had disregarded her and caused us both pain with yearning and longing. So apologies, I accept your friendship with thanks-You do not ever have to be other than as you or who you are.
Best of all I have lost 1/2 a stone via a juice fast: I have been feeling ashamed as I was meant to be on a sponsored slim for Exeter Synagogue – somehow three months have drifted by and I put weight on! As money has been donated in support of my efforts via Just Giving I was feeling very very guilty-techically embezzling? But no longer any need for guilt! I am back on track! Not only that but I am NOT hungry. I am set on losing at least three stone and raising £1K for Exeter Shul.
Zachary (my younger son ) is growing: He is tall. I can see who he is. And hear who he is-immeasurably insightful, immeasurably talented: immeasurably kind.
And Dagna has come to help our family for as long as is right for all of us. I have support and a clean house. Heaven on Earth I think!
With much love to you all