I don’t know how it is for you but around me at the moment people are relocating left right and centre and I think that I am too. I am getting a very strong pull that it is now time to move to London and also time to stop consultancy and commit to healing coaching, energy work full time. Well that is all a challenge but here goes! Time to explore- I am committed and I will keep you posted in relation to how long it will take the universe to work its magic. I am told that it is all in place!
Thank you to everyone who has been affirming and supporting me in making this decision, especially if you have been recommending me or commissioning readings/healings – Your energy is deeply appreciated.
My last post concerned the power of laughter, which seems to be an on going theme. This latest episode invoked belly laughter that woke me up in the night shrieking and hysterical. Here is how I integrated pomposity and overcame self-judgment that was so severe that I had become overwhelmed by it and therefore was failing to take any action:
So NEW YEAR. Followed by self-reflection. Then self-compassion? Well eventually but not immediately.
As I have mentioned before it has been my perception that angels don’t seem to understand money, time or attached love that well and as I spend so much time channeling – I used this ‘insight’ to excuse that fact that at times- neither do I. When I (1st January 2014) was thinking about promises that I have made fully intending to keep but not yet ‘arrived at’, I sank into a deep viperous pit of overwhelming, self judgment and despair that was bordering on self loathing.
Then I thought “Look ahead to where you are going – don’t look behind- ahead only- chin up- ahead only however slowly”. Keep going. In this spirit I asked my children tentatively “Are there any promises that I have made to You but not yet kept? From Zack – “You promised ME a years subscription to the New Scientist Mazazine and that was for my birthday in SEPTEMBER and so far you have only given me a tin of sweets”. He was quite helpful – we re-negotiated a half years subscription (Renewable in two chunks- he said “I will be quite satisfied with that”). Then we came to Josh who said in a serious accusing and rueful voice (That hinted I had let him down so badly that he was contemplating therapy sessions ) “Yeh Mum – You promised ME that I could ride to my Barmitzvah (9 years ago) on an ELEPHANT. YOU were going to have a word with WOBURN SAFARI PARK. AND I was up for having an Indian Jewish Barmitzvah. AND I have not forgotten!!!”
I have no recollection what so ever of either the conversation or the commitment but I can see that yes indeed I would have promised this to my adored eldest son.
The gloom lifted. I came out of despair. I accepted that I can be out of the box. I accepted myself as I am walts and all.
Of all things to have ‘failed’ to deliver on. Was this a promise that I NEEDED to have made- afterall was his actual Barmitzvah not amazing and enough? And I couldn’t stop snorting with laughing at the ridiculousness of it for days and days and days.
So I can’t turn back the clock. But I can look ahead to where I am going and I can (try to be) more grounded. I was telling a good friend this story today and She said in a voice of utter certainity “But you are reliable and You do keep your word – its just your timings that go a skew whiff” That made me feel better! Good friends who have faith in you are certainly more precious than rubies. And just to make things more complicated I would like to try to ride my 2014 Elephant blindfolded – backed up by much planning but trusting and letting go enough to allow the universe to take me where I need to go.
Last word from CB ” Angel’s have a greater understanding of time, money and attached love than You realise. Our wish for you is to transcend limitation and live in trust, faith and joy. Have compassion for self in order to access the divine. Every person has the right to be renewed and dance in joy- but this must be undertaken within the realms of responsibility and duty and self discipline and being present. Chose Your words well- Weigh Your Words Well. AND Know that You are loved and that You are Blessed”.
Well Yes indeed. Thank you all long-suffering friends, family – Josh / Zack- clients: Now please pass me the wall planner and diary- there are a few things that I need to write down!
Wishing You Reader a blessed and productive year in 2014.