I started to write this blog a week ago and now I am rushing to put it up because it already feels out of date. I don’t know about you but I have been observing autumn quite frenetically; rightly so, because at this time of the year everything changes even in a week.
So I rushed to the beach where I collect black berries and managed a scant handful, there is a photo of them below with my dog Lily who is I think pleased that the black berries are over. As I foraged for the berries I realised that I had not heard that much from my Angel CB lately. Perhaps because I have been resting after finally submitting once and for all my 52,000 word book; I have felt tired and depleted. To tired and depleted to hear my angel for myself; although she comes through for others.
The silence from my personal Angel CB worried me a little as I walked along the Beach; searching for the last few berries; all the bounty of autumn shrinking around me and a notice from the coffee hut to say good bye until next year pinned to the fence. I could feel the soft void of winter pulling me in and rather than feeling this as a comfort felt desolate and alone; the end of the creative book writing project stretching as a huge liability before me.
As so often happens at the end of the walk the comfort that I sought lay before my eyes. A defiant spring of bramble blossom and the voice of CB in my eye “its not all over yet”.
So I went home and made the last black berry and apple pie for the year; continuing my week mulling over the words “its not all over yet”. What struck me the most is how gentle nature can be as we transit from one stage to another; I saw a grace and beauty which I appreciate very much; in the last few heart shaped leaves; in the sweet final pink carnation flower which appeared in the last few days ; most miraculously in a beautiful butterfly clinging on with great strength and sipping nectar from a flower whilst the wind and fallen leaves whistled around it. I thought of my sons; at 16 and 24 years of age they still fascinate me everyday as a work in progress; I vowed to try and be more gentle with myself; not to violently force change but to surrender. To face the void and see it as a comfort rather than as desolate; as exciting. Who knows what is going to emerge. “Its not all over yet”.
And here dear reader are the photo’s of the butterfly, the flower, the leaves and the berries and Lily; for you to see and a message from my Angel CB; “Try not to become frozen in fear; when there is enough courage to surrender into the silence or void the universe will support you with joy and magic. The journey does not end.”
I wish you dear Reader a joyous day; enjoy the beauty of transition. xx